I Birthed With Confidence: A Big Baby, PPH & Tearing All At Home

May 21
Hey I'm Jade, mother of twin boys, my freebirth baby Mason & creator of BirthTools. After the tremendous birth of my twins with a wonderful private midwife I found my calling to serve women. For me, when I fell pregnant with my rainbow baby Mason, I knew that a wild pregnancy and an undisturbed birth was what my soul yearned for. I chose freebirth, not because I had no choice, but because I knew this mother-led experience was the safest way for my baby and now I would choose it again and again.

After feeling pressure and something distinctly different to Braxton Hicks, I sensed tonight might be the awaited night. At 41+5 weeks, I eagerly anticipated surpassing the "safe" zone. I was excited about being in the “42 week club” proving women and babies come when they are ready. But alas, the thought of being content was all that was needed to kickstart some strong surges from about 10pm.

Excited but also in disbelief, I floated between light sleep and 15 minute surges in bed. By 4am, I was unable to lie down and decided to hop in the shower. Dave, my husband followed and called our birthkeeper who was two hours away. In the meantime he set up my birth space just as we had planned.

The music was soft and the water was warm. With each wave I stared out the window as dawn approached and repeated my ultimate belief in myself and birth, “I am worthy of the birth I have chosen.” Through these words I let go of any fears, prayed to God & shed some tears in gratitude.

The rest of the morning until Nadia, my birthkeeper arrived, was just me and Dave in the living room. Contractions were pulling my hips apart but I knew birth would not hurt me. I used my moans and chanted silently, “Let them flow through.” This was the best part of my labour, as I remember falling into a place of joy amongst the intensity.

Soon after my sons awoke and Sammy laughed at my sounds, which in turn made me laugh, and all of a sudden this was painful! With my concentration gone I hopped in the pool for relief as Nadia arrived. The boys ate breakfast and I laughed in between as they made every noise imaginable in my birth space. It was a real “family” birth and breakfast. They were due to go to preschool that day and Dave asked me what our plans were. Did I think the baby was coming soon? Should we keep them home for a bit longer? 

I decided to check my cervix. I could feel the bag of waters and possibly a head, but my cervix was only open for one finger and yet soft. I told him to send the boys to school, so he got them ready and drove as quickly as possible to drop them off. The labour was strange as I went between feelings of bearing down to unending contractions. 

"All of a sudden, my baby turned in such a significant motion that all feeling was sharply in my bum and the surges ebbed but still with a need to push. "

Grateful for some relief, I returned to the shower. For the next hour the only relief came from pushing that sharp pain away. I felt my cervix and could only place one finger in, but I trusted my body and intuition over dilation. After a while the surges returned in full force and the sharp feeling wasn’t as prominent. Nadia joined us and gently noted that I need to stop “thinking” so much and just “feel.” I knew what she meant. My doula brain was trying to analyse and rationalise, but I needed to drift further into myself.

About 10am I was transitioning into a new world. One that would have my baby in my arms so soon. I was lying on the floor, bum in the air as this was the only place that didn’t feel like my pelvis was going to split in two. I remembered thinking, “it’s too much, it’s too much,” but quickly reminded myself of all the women I had served who had laboured so much longer than me and changed my tune to, “I can do this all day, I can do this all day.”

Alongside the tens machine, a heat pack and a birth comb, I was able to manage through these surges and sit on the bed. Turning to Dave, I said to him, “This baby isn’t coming anytime soon.” The mind is a powerful thing, because simply like labour began with a release of expectation, so did my baby. The next contraction bought me to my knees and I was pushing relentlessly. I remember my birthkeeper coming back into my bedroom with a look of quiet delight on her face but I wasn’t convinced yet. I didn’t want to give into the hope, but she just sat in the corner quietly took images.

So here we sat, on the floor of my bedroom and I crouched and pushed. Each sensation feeling like I was stretching in ways I didn’t know if I could. Internally, I thought to myself, “Why did I want to do this again?” At the same time, I knew that there was no way back and only forward so I stopped limiting my thoughts. After a few pushes my bag of waters broke and with joy I realised that I was actually pushing my baby. I knew I would meet him or her soon.

As my baby crowned, I felt I needed to slow him down. I used to breath and sounds while holding the bulge that was his head, slowing his entrance. All of a sudden I heard a gurgle, and thought, “he’s not even out yet!” In the same motion I felt him rotate and placed one hand between my legs to guide him through. The first thing I saw was his beautiful face crying and then next open legs with a little Willy between! A boy! We have another boy! 

His cord was so short, that I couldn’t bring him past my belly. I noticed he was quite purple and breathing fast so I held him close knowing that the placenta would care for him while he transitioned between worlds. Not long after, I felt and knew I could cut the cord and move to a more comfortable position. 

"It was wonderful to be the one in full authority of my body. No one touched him or told me what they thought. I was able to look, observe and care for him instinctively."

We sat on the bed, and all was well as I held my boy close to me. We shared laughs and cuddles, feeling peaceful. Suddenly, I felt a nagging feeling to actively release the placenta, it was very intuitive and from the outside, it wouldn’t seem like we needed to do anything. I decided to trust myself and gave the cord a gentle tug with a push, but there was resistance. Handing our son to Dave, I stood up, blood pooled.

After a quick bathroom trip, I gently felt the cord again and it lengthened. Squatting over a bowl, large clots released and Nadia asked how I felt. I checked in with myself and was in control and energised. I tried some herbal tonics, and an hour later with (serious) Pushing and some more blood, the placenta detached, and I felt the rush of "Queen Oxytocin."

I’m so grateful to for the space to make this choice as everyone trusted me, the mother to know there was no need to worry. Seeing birth in all its forms before, I knew this would be a recommended transfer to hospital, but I didn’t feel the need to ask for help. This was my favourite part of my freebirth. It further proved to me that when a woman is solely responsible for her body and birth she knows what to do.

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Write your awesome label here.

Write your awesome label here.

Photographer: My Sacred Birth

The bleeding continued to trickle, but nothing that concerned me. Nadia suggested that it could be from some internal tearing and agreed with her straight away. Although I could feel my perineum seemed to be intact I could feel something open and different on the inside, near my bottom. Some people feel that tearing is what the body shouldn’t do, but I disagree, If a woman needs to open fully, then her body will do what is needed if left alone. Luckily I had prepared to spend four weeks in bed and had a plan for tearing recovery.

I was so content and so happy. The rest of the day was slow and warm in the covers of our bed. I enjoyed warm soup and nursed our baby Mason with Dave by my side. Nadia tidied and chatted with us, taking photos of these moments. We weighed him and he was a whopping 4.1kg! Later Dave went to collect the boys and they introduced themselves to their new brother. 

"This was freebirth. This was family birth. Home and trusting the mother is what makes birth safe. For me, there is no going back."
P.s - If you would like to know how I healed my serious tears without stitches then check out my next article here!

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